Something in my life needs to change... I don't know what it is, but something, an element of my world needs to change, become different. I feel destructive, mentally, like something needs to be ripped down & kicked about, stabbed from behind a shower curtain!
It could well be work, I really do want a new job, its just become far too familiar, I could do the job with my eyes closed, most of the people are adorable, the job itself is alright, but I don't think its enough. Plus its that time of year when people seem to leave, maybe I feel I need to be part of the exodus?
BLERG Sundays always make me feel existential...
Maybe its Canterbury, maybe i've outgrown it!
It's definately not Mr P, i'm at least 99% sure it's not Mr P, he is the most adorable & lovely creature I think i've ever had the pleasure to know. Mushy, but true. Maybe we both need to leave, start a fresh somewhere else, somewhere people can visit us, somewhere we can have a garden & a cat.
Oh I don't know, it could just be because its Sunday & Sundays have always been a time for reflection & panic of the week to come... i'm a very very nervous person, I just have ways of hiding it!
Also I feel a bit left out, I shouldn't feel left out, just certain people I used to be close to, i'm not so much anymore & it annoys me, that they don't seem to like me, yes this doesn't make sense, they probably do like me, i've just distanced myself.
I must try harder to make an effort with these people, then maybe i'll be invited to play. I must also try harder to get over the nerves, but i've lived with them for years & think i'm coping ok with them...
Or, i'm just really more fucked up than I thought HAHA
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